I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
