Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
