are you still at the devil's house?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
