you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
