Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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