I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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