just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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