wrigley field is MILF paradise
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
