I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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