I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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