call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think i got beer on your cat.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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