i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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