I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
