Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
