ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
