You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
