one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
