is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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