I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
