Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
