Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
