Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wish there were birth control emojis
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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