Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
