Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
