I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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