I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
