I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
