yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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