reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
