Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Success! We fucked roommates!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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