Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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