The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
