I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
