I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
