Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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