just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
