I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
