He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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