I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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