i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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