you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
