He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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