I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
