How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize