Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
