I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize