Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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