I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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