He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
