Can i not drive my cunt home
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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