And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
