If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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