remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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