you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize