i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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