I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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