$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
