Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
