How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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