I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
