I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
