Heybabeimwearingurpanties
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
