Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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