Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
