for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
