So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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