haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
