Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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