"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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