Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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