I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
