good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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