is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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