found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
