Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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