im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
