please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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