I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
