Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize