If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
