mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
