Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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