If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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