Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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