Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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