weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
