dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize