There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
