Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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