He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
