i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We talked him into tasing himself.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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